SpraffBlog

The final installment of my encounter with a nutbag on a train. Parts 1-4 are below, so it's best to acquaint yourself with those first if you haven't already. This part makes more sense that way.

--------------------------------

After about 5 minutes of silence, my travelling companion suddenly erupted into a guttural roar. “0181!” he bellowed at the top of his throat. He’d clearly just seen an old sign advertising a London business - the first indication that we were actually now in London and seemingly the cause of his excitement.

“London mother fuckers, London!” If you ignored the words he was actually shouting and tried to overlook the fact that he was ranting like a rage-addled wino, the sentiment was quite endearing. He was so pleased to be back in his hometown he was climbing on the seats and pressing his face against the train window with childish anticipation. “London! London motherfuckers, London!” I’m not convinced that everyone else could see this man’s inner child, as they started quickly gathering their luggage and fleeing the carriage. As far as they were concerned, this man - who’s lunacy had been steadily bubbling away for the best part of two hours – had just boiled over. He’d gone ape shit. And although we were nearly at our destination, they had no intention of being near him when the train pulled into the station in case people thought they were travelling together. I however, didn’t really have that option.

When the other passengers had all filed out of the carriage, the man kneeled up on his seat and turned to face me once more. He had a mischievous leer on his face. “When we get to Euston, you’re coming with me mate” this wasn’t a request, but a direct order. Before I could ask why, he clarified his intentions. “You’re going to be my accomplice.” An accomplice? To what? My guess was that it wasn’t something I wished to be part of. Accomplices are only ever mentioned in the context of a murder or a robbery or something unsavoury. You very rarely have an accomplice to a jumble sale.

Before I could protest, he added “We’re going to Wapping.” At this point, I thought it best to avoid any confusion as to my compliance in his plans. “I’m not going to Wapping” I replied with an amused smile, which I was hoping would be enough to placate him. “Yes you are”, he replied stony faced. At this point, I still wasn’t sure where I stood with my eccentric travelling companion. It was entirely probable that he was joking – just trying to see if he could rattle me like he did by threatening to cut me up and stuff me under the seats earlier. But what if he wasn’t joking? What if I really was just about to be hijacked by him and forced to be an accomplice to something unimaginable? Suddenly, a broad grin returned to his face and I realised that he was joking. Somewhat relieved, I settled down in my seat to stare out of the window while my companion did the same.

After five minutes of tranquil silence, the train’s tannoy system hissed into life to announce that we would shortly be arriving into London Euston. Both me and my travelling companion knew it was Jane the train, though neither of us mentioned it. As the train trundled into the station platform, we collected our belongings and moved towards the exit. I tried to look through the train window to see whether there were police waiting for him when he got off. I couldn’t see any and I genuinely hoped that he wouldn’t be accosted before he had a chance to leave the station. The man seemed oblivious to such concerns though as he turned to look me up and down one final time. “Tell me seriously. Are you a cozzer?” I paused for a moment, sensing his need for reassurance. “No mate, I’m just a dude on a train”. He seemed satisfied with my answer as he smiled and turned back towards the train door. He slid the window down and leaned out to open it before looking at me once more, shaking his head slightly. “I like that. Just a dude on a train”. He pushed open the door, stepped out onto the platform and drifted off into the crowd of passengers. He’d finally been released back into the wild.

I don’t know what happened to him after that. I’d like to think that he went straight. Turned his back on crime as he got off that train and started a whole new life in London, but somehow I doubt it. It saddens me to have so little faith in him, but I’m fairly sure he’s back inside now. From what I could tell he wasn’t yet equipped for reintegration into society. Our chance meeting was only a brief interlude between cities for me, and between prisons for him. The only thing I can hope for is that if he is back in prison now, he has the good fortune to be sharing a cell with his old mate Johnny South. At the very least I hope that he’s in a HMP.

The end