A lot of pictures of scary vegetables

Well 2006 saw another bumper crop of scary vegetables at my annual Halloween party, so once more I have lovingly chronicled the entries for your pleasure. I'm sure you'll agree there are some beauties in there this year. Just click on any of the images to see a bigger picture...

Fran and Iain's monster - made more scary with it's coating of aloe-vera goo, which was frankly quite nasty.	This vampire bat was from Amelia and Russell. Apparently they were practising weeks beforehand. It's pleasing to see such dedication.	Diane's "Count Cabbage". I particularly admire the string-bean comb-over. Terrifying.
When I saw Robin's dalek, I couldn't help but applaud it's genius. I also couldn't help but think that he has way too much time on his hands.	"I am not a vegetable I am a human being!" (Luke's 'Elephant Yam')	Anna's debut vegetable entry was this fantastic "Massacred Melon".
Amelia and Russell's second entry "The Mummy from Del Monte". I found the almond-tooth grin particularly menacing.	Emma and Raoul's pepper - featuring facial piercings and a lot of attitude.	"The Crapping Quince". Officially the first - and therefore best - use of a quince in our scary vegetable competition.
Tamsyn and Ros's deformed yam-cock. Quite disturbing in many, many ways.	Barney's "Fat Fucked-up Squirrel". Severed feet sold separately.	Rae's prostitute pumpkin. I would.
Jane's depressed fig with jaunty bottle-cap hat. Not particularly scary, but brilliant nonetheless. If there was an award for triumph over adversity, Lucy's giraffe would take it. Having failed to stand up, a quick chalk outline made it roadkill. Nice. I'm not sure of the name of the enigmatic fellow who brought this along, but I like his style. Minimalist, yet effective. Adam's "Glum Snail" was so glum, it was contemplating flinging itself off the table.
Adam's entry is worth another look as it's the only one this year that was hollowed out. It's good to see that someone kept it old-school. The winner's crown carved by me in order to anoint this year's winner in a fitting manner. Robin's was the unanimous winner with his vegetable dalek. Although Luke is smiling in the background, he secretly hates him for it.       Robin - clearly giddy with excitement. You can see how much this means to him. A look at the winning entry in the cold light of day. I think we can all see that the bar has been significantly raised for next year. I'm working on my blueprints already.

So that concludes the entries for the 2006 scary vegetable competition - I await next year's eagerly. Now, every year, I get asked what I do with the entries the next day. Normally I lie to people and tell them that they were all sent to a third world country to feed and occasionally clothe the people there, but to be honest they just get thrown away when I'm cleaning up in a hungover state the next morning.

Not this year though - oh no! I decided to recycle some of the entries by eating them. Subsequently, my tea that evening consisted of a shaved rat, the Elephant yam's trunk, the shaft of the yam-cock and the entire body of the fat fucked-up squirrel. For dessert, I had the Mummy from Del Monte and the body of the vampire bat in a fruit salad. So next year, if you want to influence the judging, I recommend your entries feature corn on the cob, parsnips and asparagus. Good luck.